Inaugural Post

Inaugural Blog

I promised myself when I finally wrote about my life I would be completely honest and totally forth coming. So, folks, my truth will be coming at you with no holds barred.

I start this blog with my favorite quote by Lanford Wilson:

Life is hard

Death is mean

So get a little lovin’

In between!

Doesn’t that sum up everything?

For too many years I thought love was sex (and man, did I ever live up to that form of lovin’). I never believed in platonic love be it with men or women. I knew I loved certain people yet I guess I never thought myself worthy of more than a friendship.

And then came a brain tumor. I’ll talk more about the operations to remove the damn thing later, I need to write about how fortunate I am to have had love showered on me during the most stressful time in my life.

Having never had an operation before, I didn’t consider the care I’d need afterwards during my recuperation. The reason for this is the operation was not supposed to be too serious as they were going to pull the thing out through my nose. I was supposed to be up and out of the hospital within a day of the procedure.

When I awoke from the nose portion of things the doctor was there with his face inches from mine. He looked so serious and he said, “We could only get three eighths of the tumor so we’re going to have to cut.” That meant they were going to have to shave my head (my biggest fear), open my skull and go in under my brain to get out the tumor. This course of action required major recuperation for which I never planned.

Some of my friends were in the room with me and when the doctor said, “Do you have anyone to take care of you when you get home?” My friends John and Bernice Hayden said in unison, “He’s going home with us.”

That was the first of many tears of joy and relief shed by me for the love shown to me. I counted them as friends and until that moment never knew how much they cared.

After my two week stay with the Haydens my best friend in LA also stepped up and cared for me with the kind of caring and concern only love can bring. Through the fog of his ADHD (that’s ADD in High Definition) he handled my care as best he could as I was out of it. I was a problem patient. I refused to eat, I couldn’t get up, I had a nine inch tape pompadour in the shape of a question mark on my bald head covering the  incision. I was a mess. I am speaking of the very talented Scott LaRose.

He would come over every day and prepare food for me, which went untouched. And then one afternoon he did something I don’t think I could ever have done. You see, I was delirious and suffering. The only relief for me was to take a bath. While lying in the bath soaking in the calming heat, I inadvertently soiled the bath. I had no control over the pain of having to go. It literally scared the crap out of me. I am in the bath picking up turds and placing them on the edge of the tub as if I was lining them up to be counted. He walked in as I was crying, not knowing what to do. I was almost too weak to get out of the tub. He yelled, “I need rubber gloves and a gas mask!” and he cleaned that bathroom. I never had kids. I think changing diapers enabled him to do what he did after my embarrassing bodily function explosion.

That could only have been done out of love.

I am touched and thrilled to have witnessed those compassionate emotions coming at me.

My sister Robin and my best friend from college, Irwin Finger, came out to be with me and take care of me. When I think of them doing that, the tears flow again and I am filled with such overwhelming gratitude for the people on this planet who truly care for me.

Am I lucky, or what?